My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
