I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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