I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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