so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
