u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
