Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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