Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
