the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
