I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
