you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
