Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
