Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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