Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
