The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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