He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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