He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
