like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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