how hairy? two words: wookie tits
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I believe in your delicious
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
