i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize