Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
