We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
