theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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