don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
