Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
