This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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