I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
