cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
