So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
