I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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