i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
