i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
