we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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