I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
