if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
