You're a womanizer and a bitch.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
