you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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