Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
