I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
