Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
