Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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