Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
