turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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