i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
