I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
