she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
