Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize