Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
