why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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