Yo dont text me then not text me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
