DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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