But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
