What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this just has baby written all over it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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