The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
