I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
