Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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