so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
