I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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