first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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