Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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