Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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