"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
