one two three fourrrrnication!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
