i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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