Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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