He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
