omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize