she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is it penis luge time yet?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize