I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
