I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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