Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
