I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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