dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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