We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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