im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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