Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
