How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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