i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize