i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
