I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
