I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
