I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
