Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
