i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
