Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
