just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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