what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
