You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm just crazy horny about you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
