dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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