I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
