Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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